Kermit the vampire slayer!
by Shadows-of-the-labyrinth
Summary: Why does the slayer always have to be female? why does the slayer alays have to be human? well in my fic the slayer is male and he's a frog! go Kermit!


A/N: This fic was written after I had eaten a ton of sugar and read an online comic where Kermit was a slayer. It's quite funny but I can't remember the address of it... well enjoy.  
  
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Kermit sighed. His big green frog feet hurt from walking. He adjusted the bag on his back. Sesame Street was completely empty. He was hunting for vampires especially the main one.  
  
"Hello?" He yelled. There was no sound but the wind carrying his voice through the empty park.  
  
He looked around and spotted a yellow bulge huddled against the wall in the shadows. It was matted with dirt and dried blood.  
  
Kermit ran over to it and quickly picked up a piece of wood that was splintering.  
  
"Hello Kermit the slayer." The bulge of feathers whispered.  
  
"Hello vampire big bird. How many splinters are on this piece of wood?" He asked hoping his plan would work.  
  
"Why there are... there are too many... nooo!" Vampire big bird then disintegrated and Kermit sighed.  
  
"Good bye my friend. May your soul rest in peace." Kermit whispered into the wind before moving on.  
  
^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^**^^*^*^^*^*  
  
The count sighed. His numbers were being dwindled by that frog that called himself a slayer. The frog was an annoyance that needed to be exterminated and the count was thankful that there was only one - count them one! - Slayer alive now. The next one would become slayer in a hundred years so he had a lot of time to make more vampires and make them smarter.  
  
"Get me Elmo! He shall be turned tonight." The count said. "Then I will have four vampires and three hostages to turn." He said as he counted them on his fingers.  
  
"Yes sir, then may I have a blood cookie?" The vampire cookie monster asked.  
  
"Yes cookie monster then you may." The count said.  
  
"Thank you." Cookie monster went to go get Elmo for his master.  
  
"Soon I will defeat you slayer!" The count whispered.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^^**^  
  
"Oh Miss. Piggy I hope you're okay..." Kermit whispered thinking of his love that had been taken by the evil Count Countula!  
  
"Hello Kermit. Me want cookie!" The cookie monster told him.  
  
"Why hello cookie monster. How are you? Do you know where the count is?" Kermit asked.  
  
"Yes, but me want cookie!" He said.  
  
Kermit opened his bag and got out his anti-number cookie and handed it to the cookie monster. The cookie monster ate it and turned to leave but had barely gotten turned around when he exploded into dust.  
  
"I'm sorry but I must get Miss. Piggy back." He told the air.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^^^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Elmo tried to hide in a corner of the dark dungeon where he was kept but the cookie monster found him and pulled him to the count. Now he was listening to the count while cookie monster went to finish off the slayer.  
  
"I'm very weak and tired but your beautiful blood can revive me and then I shale be well again." He told Elmo.  
  
"Elmo needs his blood to live..." He said to the vampire.  
  
"So do I Elmo and you'll live forever without it."  
  
"But Elmo likes his blood and wants to keep it thank you."  
  
The count grabbed Elmo's arm and drained his blood in a few seconds. "Now to deal with that slayer." He muttered walking into another room.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Kermit followed a long winding road to a large castle with many towers. He stopped right in front of the door to get a wooden steak and a sign with the sign for the mathematical sign for pie drawn on it.  
  
"Now it will end and I will have miss. Piggy back you fiend." He whispered with a frown.  
  
"Hello slayer. Welcome to my castle. I hope you enjoy yourself until I defeat you." the count said to him.  
  
"You will not defeat me. Pie will protect me from you forever and if you come near it you will die." Kermit informed him.  
  
"Hahahaha I will not die you silly frog." He said reaching forward - and exploding as soon as his fingers touched the sign.  
  
"I warned you but you didn't listen to me." He said.  
  
And then everything was okay again the end.  
  
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A/N: Really weird and short ficlette about him being a slayer...  
  
Sage: *pulls on dark shades* I don't know her or the story.I'm just an innocent beta-reader.. *Runs off* but. *pokes head back in* Leave a review for the kid. *Runs off again* 


End file.
